Saturday, January 02, 2010
Happy new year everybodeeee! The last month has been brilliant. Work at RP is tiring but so far rather rewarding personally. I've been neglecting my thesis a little too much, so that's next on the agenda.
For those of you who don't know yet, I've been seeing someone. Many of you have also asked for details, so i've decided to try to put it into this blog. I warn you though, it might get sappy. So read at your own peril.
I can't explain why or how it happened. It really was as if the universe decided to bring us together. Some have said that I move pretty fast, but seriously and honestly, it was never my intention to do so. Had no desire to see anyone but just be free and easy and single. I serial-dated for a while, and that was it.
I remember a conversation I had with Wei Fen once about the universe and how it brings people together, sets up conditions for things to happen, and so on. It's not the same thing as Fate which is a more determining force, but rather gently nudges us in a certain direction. When we first had this discussion, I argued vehemently against it, and i said that "the universe" theory is really just an excuse to not take action. I think i said something like "
Sometimes, most times, the universe needs some help". Love after all, in many cases i've seen and heard from friends, and my own experience, is an outcome of sheer persistence and planning on one's part.
All this was before Kirstin and I started seeing each other. I really don't know how it happened. We know each other (but not very well); we've known each other for 2 and a half years. We hardly spoke during that time except for the occasional "how are yous" on facebook. I wasn't even in Singapore for more than half of that time. We met through a mutual friend, and with an entire group of her friends. We never hung out alone or went out one on one. I think we met a total of like 4 times with that bunch of friends. We were both attached then and it never occurred to us to even consider or look at each other that way. I never saw my break up with Andrea coming. I had even asked her to marry me. I saw a future with her. Kirstin and her ex broke up too. We were both attached for 4 and a half years. And it was hard to let go of such a long investment of love for both of us.
But when i wasn't looking, the universe brought us together. And it was magical. We met up with a bunch of friends and I don't know how but that night we both realised that there was something between us. I was so careful with her, careful with how i touched her if i had to, personal space, if she was ok/happy/tired/thirsty, all subconsciously. Only when i reflected on the night did i realise that i did those things, and that she did feel the same with me (she told me later). Partly because she's so used to guys grabbing her or trying to be close to her at all available opportunity, and partly cos I used to be one of those type of guys. We connected through good conversation and meaningful discussions on life family love and everything in between. There was no drunken hook up, no RnB drama humping, no morning
oops, no skanky behaviour. I never saw it coming. And it was beautiful :)
I know Andrea is seeing someone now. I'm very happy for her. It reinforces what i believe about the universe, seriously. And it's not guilt that i let her down or whatever. It really isn't, so stop psychoanalysing me that way. I guess we were both holding on to something that really was not meant to be. Or that we handled it all wrong. Or that we were there for each other for the time of our lives where it mattered. Only God knows and can tell me. The only regret I have now is that i've lost a good friend, someone i spent so many years sharing my life with. In time, I hope even that will be something I will no longer regret.
Anyway, this is Kirstin. :) And I am happy.
