Friday, June 13, 2008

Bizarre Scenes in Real Time

So anyway my folks and I went to look-see some outdoor landscaping specialists cos we will most probably be moving house and my mum wanted something with a garden. The statues and landscape exhibits were quite cool.. the classic rolling balls, buddhas faces, with running water and stuff. Of course I got bitten by mutherfarking mozzies cos that place is the epitome of stagnant water. I mean come on, the pond is the size of my room and there's a pump the size of my wallet at the far corner of the pond. There's bound to be stagnant water on the other side of the damn water feature. NEA, TAKE NOTE.

But then there are damn WEIRD statues. Like this one. Like who the fuck will buy this for their house right? The bugger looks embarrassed of his colossal mantool. It's the size of the fucking Sentosa Ferry lah can. And if you think HE's Embarrassed sitting next to a pond in someone's house with his dick laying on the pavement, check out his girlfriend:

SO anyway. The other day Daniel Tham and I were buying coffee from coffeeclubXpress on campus, and we noticed something interesting. It costs 2.25 for a single shot of espresso, and 2.75 for a double. So it makes sense to buy a double right? WRONG.

"One extra shot of EXPRESSO please. No, not the single. Just the extra. Thanks."

Like what the fuck is an EXpresso dude? It's a whole different coffee, and it's just 65 CENTS!

And to cap off this list of bizarre pictures, here's a picture of Auguste with a bottle of water on a Friday night. Goddamn it Ben, give that guy a beer for god's sake.

posted @1:15 PM
|

Friday, June 06, 2008

This guy is fucking hilarious. Just had to share this. :) For all your train travellers.

Rules You All Should Know When Taking the MRT
Published by krisandroon

Having a regular job now means that I am again subjecting myself to the rush hour where Singaporeans and foreigners come together and rear the ugly side of humanity. I am no angel but I think I might be be given an associate membership into the hall of saints when compared to the kinds of people I see on the train.

Without further a due, I present to you Krisandro’s list of MRT Rules.

1. When on the escalator during rush hour, either keep left or you follow the rushing passengers on the right. Don’t stall the fast lane and tempt me to grab your legs and throw you over the side.

2. When SMRT says they are increasing the number of train trips, it doesn’t mean that you can wake up later. And please don’t look at the screens telling you how long the next train is going to arrive if you have high blood pressure.

3. If you want to get into the train cabin and you do not let the passengers in the train cabin out first, you deserve to be knocked down by a smelly, sweaty, giant man with huge man-boobs.

4. If you do not move to the center of the train, you deserve to be sodomized by a horny blue whale and wear a tag so that we understand your plight that you cannot move around much.

5. If you will not give up your seat to a pregnant lady or a senior citizen, have the courage to at least PRETEND that you are fast asleep. Stop looking at the lady’s stomach and mentally weighing it against your beer belly and deciding who has the heavier load.

6. The vertical poles in the train cabins are for passengers to hold onto with their hands. If you lean on them with your whole body, I might need to separate your left butt cheek from your right to secure a holding spot and I do not have that much Dettol to cleanse my hand afterwards.

7. If you are blasting your choice of music through your phone speakers, please make sure that your taste in music is at least accepted by 70% of the people who are within earshot. If you are not sure how you can figure that out, please purchase a device called “ear-phones”.

8. The fare you pay for travelling on the MRT entailed you to a limited space. If you need space to hold a copy of The Straits Times fully opened in front of you during peak hours, consider buying an EZ-Link card for the newspaper as well.

9. If you fart or burp in a an MRT cabin, have the courtesy to say ‘excuse me’. If you think people will get angry over it, have the habit of laughing like a hyena as soon as you fart. I can assure you that it will be more amusing than anything.

10. Do not scold me if the train is packed and I am poking your butt from behind. The one who you should scold is the one who is poking my butt. Don’t ask me to push back as well because it will seem as though I am reciprocating.

http://www.krisandro.com/2008/06/01/rules-you-all-should-know-when-taking-the-mrt/

posted @11:39 AM
|

Friday, June 13, 2008

Friday, June 06, 2008

Profile

links

tagboard

credits

archives