Monday, November 23, 2009
I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Time is running out!
I suddenly had an epiphany that time is seriously running out for me and my beloved Phd, of which i have an immense
lovelikehatelovehatehatehatelikelikehatelove relationship. Presently I am at the
hate cycle moving onto the
like cycle, and i had best take advantage of it (obviously the last
love in the cycle is when I finish it). 3 years may sound like a long time, but for a long piece of work that's like a drop in the well of time (That image was totally off and didn't make sense).
Anyway time to get cracking.
Monday, October 19, 2009
The Days go Byit's been 9 weeks since we broke and I dived into endless partying, meeting people, and generally steam-rolling through life. It's been fun and tough at the same time... although i complain a lot publicly about most things i generally keep some things in. Feelings, exasperations, and mostly anxiety and frustrations. There are good days and there are bad days. I'm pretty much a steamroller; i don't wallow in self-pity, and try not to dwell on the past so much. I guess that's how i survive. It's not really true that i "move on" really quickly; i just keep moving. I'll just speed along until things catch up to me. And that's how I deal with things.
The last 3 days, I missed her quite a bit. Doesn't help that my parents keep wondering about what happened and can't accept that we split up so suddenly, and when we were so close to committing to each other for the rest of our lives. And you know how my dad gets... he repeats and repeats the same thing over and over again... and it's not easy trying to ignore it or forget her.
The good news is I've gotten a part time job, and there is hope that NUS may hire me again in January. So by February I'll be able to start saving up for next year's school fees and living expenses, as well as hopefully pay off some personal debts. I've been writing... somewhat. and that's a good thing too. I want to get things over and done with for my Phd asap so that i can start earning some decent wage. After all, i look at it as an extended period of training before i actually get the job i've sacrificed so much for.
i miss you
